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We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”