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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!