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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Sometimes it looks like Iām flashing gang signs, but really Iām just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.