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real eyes realize real lies
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
This century is already 15% over.
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.