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I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
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