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School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.