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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
People assume Iām smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.