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Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight
Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
Serving size ?? LMAO
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.