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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.