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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
Some of my best memories are naps.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.