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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
Don`t you just a hate it when you stumble into bed drunk only to be nagged by someone screaming "Get out" or "You live next door!"
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.