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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"