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I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.