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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
Don`t forget to get offended today by some retarded sh!t that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.