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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....