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Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
I`m getting worried about this Ebola virus. I mean, I`ve got Norton but...
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day