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My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
You look like I need another drink
Some people just need to be clothes lined
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"