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It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.