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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
Here`s a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.