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I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.