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My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
My whole life is based on a true story...