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Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
bras are booby-traps
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.