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Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.