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I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
I like people... From a distance.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
i only drink on days that end with y
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.