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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.