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Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
It needs more cowbell!!
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.