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Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized
I like it like that
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out