Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today