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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.