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Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn`t work...
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets