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Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
You know it`s been a good night when you wake up and see bite marks on the walls...
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.