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Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.