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When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
Match dot com, but for socks.
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.