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My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
Guys i did not copy or edit this status of mine.Please believe this is my own idea!
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"