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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
Go ahead caller 9!!
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!