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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is a complete idiot.
According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
I`m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out