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Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
I hate it when Iām singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.