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I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
I’m sad when my food is over.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)