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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light