Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
Please excuse me for talking while you were interrupting.
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"