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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.