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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
My inner child is a drunken whore
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"