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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don`t want to look like a dork.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman