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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
Velcro is a ripoff
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.