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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down, but had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Now I need a beer.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.