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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.