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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Just finished my first book yesterday. 450 pages. Man, that was a lot of coloring...
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?