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Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
The best thing about falling down when you`re home alone is that you can just lie on the floor and take a nap.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.