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I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.