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It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced [hah hah fuhk yoo]!!
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.