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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn`t stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.