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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
“I saw that.” -Karma
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?