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It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached