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What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.