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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.