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According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.