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GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…