Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.