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There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail…
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
Dear naps, I`m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.