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If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
If you think I hate you ... I probably do.
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.