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We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.