Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......