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I will write something profound ... subsoil!
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...