Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
If you see someone crying, ask if it`s because of their haircut.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.