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Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
More people should be at a loss for words.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!