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Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) if it does not look like it`s breathing give it mouth-to_mouth
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.