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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!