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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.